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How do I get back on top?

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03-Dec-2009 07:46 PM
Lenny

Posts: 20
At the moment I am feeling pretty crappy with myself and again beating myself up (not as much as I used too) after eating bad foods or overeating.  I feel like at the moment I have not got the motivation to even attempt to achieve my best body and best mindset.  I am kicking myself everyday when I get dressed and my clothes are too tight or don't fit at all but I am not motivated to do anything about it.  I know at the moment I am not in my best body because I have been there and want to get back there in the near future.  I am struggling to actually explain my feelings totally, here is my tough question, do I have to hit rock bottom to get back on top again?  I am feeling like I need to be this size and weight before I can make it back to my best body.  Am I not putting what I have learned in LightenUp into practice by feeling this way?
How do I get back on top?
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04-Dec-2009 03:11 PM
Yo-yo No More

Posts: 35

 Hey Lenny - I've definitely been where you are right now.  It all feels helpless and like it's never going to work.  But fear not - you WILL get over it.  When I feel myself heading into a downward spiral, I make an agreement with myself which I REFUSE to break and that is, simply getting up every morning and looking in the mirror and saying "Morning Gorgeous!"  Let me tell you I feel like a complete idiot when I first do it and walk away going "Yeh right!!" But, I find it's the process of something so simple that helps break my pattern and I soon end up laughing in the mirror at myself and agreeing that "Yeh, I am gorgeous in fact!".
Maybe it's another word or phrase for you but my point is, just do one really small, easy thing to get your mind out of where it is and onto something different.  I hope this helps.
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07-Dec-2009 10:04 AM
The Coach

Posts: 92

 Hi Lenny.  Thanks for sharing and for asking those questions that we all contemplate at some point.   After all if we didn't have real lows we truly would not know how to savour and enjoy the real highs in our life.  To respond to your questions as I see it - sometimes we do have to hit rock bottom.  I certainly have at times in order to start the upward climb.  But we don't always.  I am hearing that you are being really hard on yourself and not giving yourself a break.  Is this how you would treat a child, a dear friend or family member?  I bet you would show more understanding, compassion and patience.   So often we are harder on ourselves than we would ever dream of being on anyone else and by making a decision to be gentle with ourselves we can start to shift our mindset.
The other important point I want to make is that we need to honour our emotions and move through them rather than try to control or eliminate them.  This sometimes mean just accepting that we feel lousy and letting it run its course.  Trust is required here - trust that you will come through it and get to a better place.  This is also about removing the struggle to change it immediately but rather step back and observe your emotions, express them as they come up and know that you will feel better.  I hope this helps Lenny and please let us know how you go.
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09-Dec-2009 02:59 PM
Lenny

Posts: 20
Thanks Yo Yo No More, I will put the I am gorgeous thing into practice in my own words of course.
Coach, I can see how hard I am being on myself but feel helpless to stop it, and your right I would not be this hard on a family member, a child or a partner.  I feel that I need to be hard on myself to be worthy of having all these great things in my life.  Although in the long run it doesn't make me a better wife, mother, friend or family member.  In all honesty it probably works in reverse, I am not relaxed and willing to take everything as it comes my way, instead stressing about lots of little things that don't matter in the large scale of things.
So I have decided to make myself a deal at least twice a week I will have an hour to myself to relax either in the bath or reading or even a walk. As well as taking on board Yo yo's idea of telling myself that I am gorgeous (or something to that effect).

The forum is a great way to get things out in the open and feel a little lighter already!
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10-Dec-2009 05:53 AM
The Coach

Posts: 92

 Hi Lenny.  It is fantastic to hear your action of taking at least 2 hours each week for yourself, and saying something kind to yourself when you look in the mirror.  Believe me you do deserve it!  Thanks again for sharing so openly as it helps us all on the forum.  We look forward to hearing how you go.  
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04-Jan-2010 12:48 PM
Yo-yo No More

Posts: 35

 Hey lenny - I hope you had a great Christmas and New Year!  I'm interested to hear how you've been going with your "me" time?  Hopefully it's still working for you and you've made an even stronger committment to yourself for 2010!
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08-Jan-2010 08:24 PM
Lenny

Posts: 20
How easy it is to slip back into our old habits, me time..gone, feeling guilty and undeserving... back in force.  I am working on a vision board, including pictures of goals and sayings that inspire me and will help me to get my me time back and hopefully rid myself of the guilt and lack of self esteem and self love. 
Another thing I have been finding hard lately is loving myself and if I can't love myself then why should anyone else love me.  I am also adding things to my vision board to help me achieve the level of self love that I need.
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08-Jan-2010 09:46 PM
Yo-yo No More

Posts: 35

 Even though you're not feeling good about yourself, the fact that you are still taking the time to make a vision board and include all the things that make you feel good is a huge thing!  Don't underestimate it.  Can I add one really small, yet very powerful technique for you?  Over the next little while, simply ask yourself "Why am I so lovable?"  If you haven't read the blog (Why? Beacuse it's a good question!") then go look now - it explains (in very basic terms!) how the why questions work on our brains.  Ask it as often as you can - just let it run in the background of your mind.  Good luck and keep up with the vision boarding!  I would love to hear how you go with all of this.
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21-Jan-2010 01:05 PM
Lenny

Posts: 20
Why? I have just started to ask these questions and somehow asking 'Why am I so deserving?' is not as scary as saying 'I am deserving'.  It takes out my guilt factor, simply by adding that one word to the front of the sentence.

My ME time had disappeared out the window and I can see the changes in my everyday life, I am more stressed, crabby and irritable.  Shifting my focus back on Why I am deserving of this ME time? is getting me back to being the happy person I want to be.
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23-Jan-2010 05:13 PM
The Coach

Posts: 92
Hi Lenny I love your post!  So 'why are you so deserving?'  Are you taking that so important 'me' time again?  Let us know.  I almost cracked last week from trying to do too many things again and dropped everything to take the dogs for a walk and wind down.  It only took me a short time to get things back in perspective and to remind myself to stop trying to go flat out all day.  I am getting back to having me time each day even if it is only for half an hour.  I have worked out that I can feel refreshed from having time with my son and staying in the moment with him for those days when I can't get some time on my own.  My why question for the week is 'why am I so relaxed and fufilled?'
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08-Feb-2010 09:54 AM
The Coach

Posts: 92
Hey Lenny I thought I would check in with you and see how you are going now with your 'me' time?   We would love to hear from you :)
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08-Feb-2010 12:52 PM
Lenny

Posts: 20

 Well yet again my me time has slipped and I am back stressing over the tiniest little things.  The difference for me now though is that I know I am doing it.  How easy it is to let things slip back into the old way. 
I am currently lost for words on how to describe exactly what I am feeling, I am surviving, not living.  I want to live and I will be taking back my me time sometime this week.
Doesn't sound very convincing, even to me. I will be having some me time Wednesday night! There, that is better now all those on the forum know that I will be doing it, so I better make sure it happens.
Will let you know the result...
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23-Feb-2010 04:32 PM
Lenny

Posts: 20
Something really funny happened to me over the weekend. I traveled interstate with my husband and while there I had not a care in the world, I was feeling great in myself and confident in the way I was looking.  As soon as I got home though, the gates opened and a flood of negative thoughts and feelings came rushing through.
I think I have put it down to being away from home and not knowing anyone, so letting go of that pressure I put on myself to look 'good' for everyone else.  As soon as I get home the pressure comes back and it is all put on by me!
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23-Feb-2010 05:32 PM
Yo-yo No More

Posts: 35

 Wow - what a great insight!!  Just having that realisation will help you get to the point where being at home gives you the same "feeling" as being interstate.  I think the key is to keep being honest with yourself because that's when your awareness increases and the changes start to occur.
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23-Feb-2010 07:16 PM
The Coach

Posts: 92

 Hi Lenny thanks for sharing your insight!  How about imagining that you are away when you are at home?  Set it up in the morning with a visualisation or memory from your trip interstate and see if you can carry it with you through the day.  Isn't it funny the tricks our mind plays on us?  What I love about what you are saying is that this means you do ALREADY feel good about yourself deep inside and the only thing you need to change is worrying about what you perceive others to think.  I would love to hear how you go!
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